Kathie Lee Gifford made her official return to morning television yesterday and the planet did not explode into a fiery ball of total annihilation.

Okay, so I was expecting the worst.

After leaving Live With Regis and Kathie Lee eight years ago, the doyenne of family-values gabbing ' she was Elisabeth Hasselbeck before Elisabeth Hasselbeck was Elisabeth Hasselbeck ' is back, this time as co-host with NBC's venerable Today show (for the fourth hour).

At precisely 10 yesterday morning, Gifford emerged from a corridor and wandered outside 30 Rockefeller Plaza in New York City. Garbed in a black sweater and lemon-yellow trench coat, she grinned widely, waving a clutch of cue cards at the semi-rapturous throng.

After exchanging good luck hugs and kisses with her new TV family ' including Matt Lauer, Meredith Vieira, Ann Curry and Natalie Morales ' co-host Hoda Kotb grabbed Gifford's hand and led her toward an outdoor desk.

Gifford told viewers the two did not know each other very well, a fact that was easily deciphered from the stilted banter that followed. As the show ground forward at a glacial pace, Gifford tried to look relaxed, Kotb tried to look excited and neither did so successfully.

Of course, it's folly to judge these things by Day 1. But if morning television is largely about chemistry, the Today show scientists who decided to mix one part Kotb with one part Gifford may be disappointed by the lack of bubbling sizzle in the weeks ahead.

The two talked at each other, not with each other. There were more cut-offs than on a busy interstate in rush hour. Even the attempts at sight gags ' Gifford donning a leather football helmet, Kotb wearing a "Regis" mask, both wobbling in antigravity boots ' came across as forced and awkward and lame.

"Excuse me, I'm making my debut!" joked Gifford at one point, as an ambulance wailed in the background, possibly responding to several 911 calls for boredom-related fainting.

One segment titled "Three Things You Didn't Know About Hoda & Kathie Lee" fizzled mysteriously after only two things had been revealed for each.

Hey, producers, if these hasty bits aren't worth completing, why on earth should we start watching them?

Some good news, at least for Kathie Lee detractors, came shortly after Kotb mentioned the (alleged) recent marriage of Jay-Z and Beyonc??.

"Keep your family out of things," Gifford advised the power couple. "People that talk about their children, it's just awful."

It was a factitious self-jab, a wink at the criticism she endured almost weekly on Live. Specifically, that she never kept her family out of things.

"Anybody that's nervous about me talking about my kids, I just want everybody to know that nobody is in diapers any more," Gifford said yesterday. "They will not come up that often."

But this raises a new problem: if Gifford isn't going to regale viewers with her domestic foibles, if she isn't going to reference husband Frank and kids Cody and Cassidy ad nauseam, how exactly is she going to fill the time?

This isn't as sexist as it may sound. The truth is, Gifford is not a particularly gifted interviewer. Nor does she thrive when the subject matter gets serious.

So expecting her to suddenly morph into somebody else seems like a doomed prospect for all involved.

Love her or hate her, Kathie Lee Gifford is at her best when she's doing her put-upon mom/wife shtick. This is how her fans relate. It is her stock-in-trade.

Without it, she's just another talking head who doesn't have much to say.

vmenon@thestar.ca

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